I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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