would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
