Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
