so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
