my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
be right there i have to get my cape
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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