So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
high people should be assigned attendants
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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