I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
