In the future we'll all be gay
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
