She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
