I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
