I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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