I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
