He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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