aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
