so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
