I could make wine with my vomit
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We have started to decorate penises.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
