You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got inside last night via doggy door
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
