Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
