My cat gives me a boner
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
