I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
