you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
