you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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