They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You ruined the universe
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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