i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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