one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
