You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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