I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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