one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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