Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
