We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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