picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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