That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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