what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
