Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've blown a few things in my day
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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