so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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