I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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