I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
