im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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