Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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