fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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