Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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