Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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