There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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