I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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