Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
