i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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