I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
