well I can't set my house on fire every night
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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