just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
