dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
