well I can't set my house on fire every night
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
